15th October, 2008
How soon has the last four months passed? I have to looks at my baby's earlier pictures to realize that she has grown up and how soon! Feels like she just grew up in my arms And I didn't know. Motherhood has changed me in more ways than one. Since becoming a mother, I haven't slept for more than 4 hours at a stretch. In fact it is as less as 2 hours usually. And I was the sleeping queen! I havn't had a long relaxing bath, something I cherished previously. I take my food in as little time as possible. But these are not complaints. If some one had told me that I could do all these I wouldn't have believed them. And yet I seem to be getting by with very little sleep. I feel tired. and yet I seem to have endless energy to pacify my baby when she is crying or playing with her even though I would really like to just hit the bed and sleep for as long as I want to and more.
The other night there was a disruption in power supply and we did not have power the whole night. It was a warm night with mosquitoes buzzing around. I fanned the baby almost non stop perhaps nodding off for few moments in between. I finally slept for few hours in the early morning when it got a little cool. And yet I carried on with the day without a nap. I did try to catch few winks while my baby slept but just couldn't. Even at night I lay awake for a long time before finally succumbing to sleep. After that night I feel I can handle anything. Oh did I not mention all those early nights and days when my baby was feeding contiuously, and it hurt so bad I cried while feeding, And there was the pain of the stiches. I didn't get much sleep or rest. My inability to sleep is starting to look chronic. I cannot sleep when I am trying to and cannot wake up in the morning when I am trying to! May be its a sleeping disorder.
Its not easy and if I knew I would have to do all these things I might have chickened out of possible motherhood. But I did venture and am I glad. Every moment has been special. I just love having my baby. I can't imagine what my life was like before. Touch wood!
Becoming a parent makes you a better human being, It unleashes qualities you never knew you had. It makes you patient, contented and selfless. Perhaps for the first time in life. When I look back at my life that has passed I can't think of any major achievement that I am really proud of. Now that I have had my baby and if I can do my best and bring her up in the best possible manner I would die a satisfied person. Its satisfying to leave behind a legacy that lingers on long after you are gone. And nothing like a child brought up well who becomes a world citizen, Just, caring and responsible.