18th July, 2008
“The more I go through parenting the more I say I owe my mother an apology.” So said Ray Romano. And I realise the truth in that quote as I write this, a new mother of an almost 2 month old baby girl. All these emotions are what my parents must have felt when I was born. This little girl will one day grow up and have a mind of her own, challenging all that you tell her! Just like I did. I was not too close to my parents emotionally. In the sense that I wasn't the kind who would confide in them. I felt closer to my dad because we were more like friends. We would discuss sports and books. Tastes I didn't share with my mom. But my turmoils I kept to myself. But everything changed as I gave birth to my baby. I have never been this close to my mother. And I have found a new respect for her.
Sometimes in the middle of the night I wake up to my baby's cries. She turns to her side, the side I am sleeping on, whimpering, pleading... to be held and fed, with poignant tears filled eyes. And I just melt. No matter how sleepy or tired I am.. I feel important like I have never felt before. Never felt this needed by anyone. There is this little angel that depends on me! And when I feed her I feel so special. There is something only I can do for my baby and no one else. When she cries in hunger in a relatives arms, I take her in mine and there is this recognition.. “This is my mom.. and she will feed me”! Last night I couldn't sleep for some time. I had fed my baby and put her to sleep. As I lay beside my baby looking at her I couldn't help but wish she woke up and that I could feed her! Its a great feeling.